Forgiveness

So I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time. I write this in hopes that this might encourage someone else and also as something that I will be able to look back on in times of need. 

Via

I'm going to pour out struggles that I have gone through and feeling along the way. Forgiveness is something that is really hard for me. And I mean really hard. I'm not talking "I asked for no onions and they put onions" type of forgiveness. I'm talking "You've hurt me on a personal level and I don't know if our relationship could ever heal from it". I can count on one hand the people who have hurt me on a personal level. I'm not going to go into too much detail because the relationships that I'm referring to is between them and my immediate family. I don't think it would be right of me to state what has been done.
I read this article and it really helped me to mend things in my own heart. For so long I would dwell on the hurt and the anger that I had. It had been building for years. I know forgiving is the right thing to do. I'm a Christian, that's what I'm suppose to do. But it wasn't that simple. I would tell myself that I was owed an apology, I wasn't going to forgive because they don't even seem to care. I wasn't even in the wrong, why should I forgive them? I was an ugly person on the inside, the feelings I would think were ugly. I hated that I would think ugly thoughts. John 10:10 says The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I wanted that abundant life. I wanted to forgive but I felt I couldn't let go. I would forgive over and over morning after morning but I never felt peace within.. I would tell myself that I was letting go. Many occasions I would say to myself Okay God, I'm letting go, please take this from me, but I would still dwell on it.  I wasn't fully giving it to God.
 It wasn't until I truly let go that I began to heal. I would still repeat it to myself but every time I would start to think about the hurt I would shut it down and pray and thank God that he's healed my heart. It took a lot of faith that I was healed from the unforgiveness before I really began to feel it. I just want anyone out there that is carrying that burned of unforgiveness to know that for your spirit and your well-being, it is so worth it. The hurt might not go away but it becomes manageable and not consuming. I don't know if our relationship will ever heal or be mended but I do know that God does not want me to go back to that place of letting negativity changed the person who He has called me to be. Whenever I begin to think about the hurt that has been inflicted on my family I always go back to this verse from Philippians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 

Judah's Dedication

Today was Judah's dedication. Dedicating him is something that is very important to me and Daniel. It's publicly declaring that we will do all that we can to raise him in the Lords way and guide him in the right path.

Before his dedication, we had lunch at our house. The weather was supposed to be low 70's and I decided to have a grilled cheese bar. We had various topping to put in the sandwiches along with a tomato soup. I have never had anything other than traditional grilled cheese so this was a nice upgrade.

We are so incredibly blessed to have amazing people in our lives who love and support Judah. He will definitely have great guidance in walking with God. 

I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

3 John 1:4

We bought a goat!

Source

So with Christmas just around the corner, I'm beginning to think about gifts. I'm actually about half way done with Christmas shopping which I am very pleased with! I really enjoy Christmas time. The coziness of everything, the cool weather (which really means mid-seventies in Southern California) the joy on someone's face when they open their gifts, and most of all the importance and remembrance of Christ's birth. I'm so fortunate when I sit down and look around. I have an amazing supportive husband, an adorable and pure son, a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. What more could I need? Well, that is where the goat comes in.
I told my husband that I didn't want a gift this year. I know I'll be getting gifts from other relatives and friends and I simply do not need anything... But others do. I told him to take the money that he would spend on me, and use it to help someone else. I had a magazine for World Vision and showed it to him. He told me to pick something out that I wanted to give.
Thus, the goat. They reproduce which can be used for trading or selling, they are useful for milk and cheese, and their waste is used to fertilize. An animal that I might otherwise see in a petting zoo and think smells, is saving someone else's life.
No I'm not in a remote part if the world helping AIDs patients or doing something extravagant, but I'm doing what I can. I'm not here to boast about what I've done, but I do want to challenge you. We're not called to be comfortable. We're called to help those in need. I really urge whomever is reading this to give back somehow this holiday season. Whether it's volunteering at a soup kitchen or donating canned goods or clothes to a needy cause, we're all able to do something. A perk to giving back is that it feels so rewarding.

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, 
for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Hebrews 13:16

Crawling & Christ

I can't believe how little Judah looks in the last post! He is now 1 week away from being 7 months. He's no longer rocking, scooting, or army crawling to get around, he is full on crawling! He's amazing. No really, he is. A couple weeks ago my husband put his finger in Judah's mouth and there was a tooth! Judah hadn't complained once about it!
He brings so much joy to my life and I believe that he's brought Daniel and I closer. There's so many things I want to teach him: humbleness, compassion, having a servants heart, appreciating the small things, selflessness, etc. I'm so blessed to be able to raise him in a house where both of his parents are committed to serving The Lord and committed to each other.
My husbands upbringing was pretty rough and I grew up with an amazing single-mom. I'm so happy that Judah has us both here to learn right from wrong. It's a huge responsibility and honor to be able to raise him to be a Godly man. By no means are we perfect or don't have to continually work on our spiritual walk.  We've faced so many problems and struggled so much when we started making our own decisions. It is tough yet so rewarding to lean and trust in God for guidance. The other day I was in a different room of the house and heard Daniel humming the song "I love you, Lord" to Judah. It brought tears to my eyes and I thanked God for such an amazing husband. I usually hum or sing "Amazing Grace" to Him because I want his subconscious to be filled with God's greatness. But I know little boys look up to their daddies and he is so fortunate to have an amazing daddy to look up to.

Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Saving

As I have posted, my husband and I went through Dave Ramsey's Final Peace University. Expecting a child any day now, paying off debt and trying to save up to eventually move out of state, every penny counts. I once started couponing back in 2011 before I got married but it didn't really stick. It was more of a little thing that came from watching "Extreme Couponers" but I didn't take it serious. Now that I'm in a different position, I thought I would try to take it serious and save some money. This is all new to me so I haven't become one of those really savvy couponers but I am a beginner!

Out of pocket for these items was $9.54 but I received a $5.00 gift card from Target so really only spent $4.54 and saved $41.75. 

Aside from just trying to be frugal, I think that being cautious with my money is also a spiritual matter. Being a Christian I'm representing Jesus Christ and I don't think that being in debt or a lack of being responsible really brings a good name. I want to represent Christ the best that I can physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. During FPU, Dave Ramsey talked about how we are constantly asking God for more, more, more. What we don't really understand is that God is a just God. Why would he bless us with more money if we aren't being responsible with what we have been given already? That really spoke to me because I do find myself wanting more, but if I really were to look at how I'm investing what He's already given me, it makes me embarrassed. I want my son to grow up knowing the value of a dollar, I want him to understand the responsibility and importance of it. I think that this is a baby step towards showing him how to save money and be able to help others.

I don't need all of this free product that I'm getting from couponing and I know I want it to be a blessing in some way to other people. My husband suggested that I start a couponing group at Church and donate the products that we receive. I thought it was a great idea but I'm a very shy person and don't know if I am comfortable with that yet. Of course, God can always change my heart and lead me in that direction. I'm just excited to see where this new hobby will take me.

Waiting for his arrival

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant so I am considered full term. It's about 1:30am and I couldn't sleep so what better to do than blog? I don't get much sleep anymore because every sleeping position is uncomfortable or because I have a million things running through my head. It's really amazing to think that any day now I'm going to have my son in my arms. I've had him in my womb for 9 months now. I've nurtured him and protected him. Pretty soon he's going to be here and I won't be able to protect him the way I am able to now. I pray over him so much, I know that he's protect from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. I never realized how different my praying life would be after I became pregnant. I have trouble with forgiving people who have hurt me/my husband and I've struggled to really have a Christian attitude towards some people. I'm becoming a lot wiser and feel like God's really been working in that aspect of my life. I feel a lot more humble and thankful. It's easy to get caught up asking God for things and forgetting to thank him for everything we have. 

This past Sunday my husband was playing the drums at Church and it hit me that he was leading me and our son in worship. It just gave me this goofy feeling on the inside. Usually when he's not on stage and next to me during worship he'll be worshiping and put his hand on my stomach and pray for our son. There's just something great and different about him being on stage honoring God and leading his family in to praise. Here's a video I shot this past week of him playing. Sorry for the distortion! It was very loud at some points so my camera couldn't get it as clear as I'd like!

Financial Peace University

So last week my husband and I, along with my mom started taking FPU by Dave Ramsey through our church. We are hoping and praying that this will help us manage our money and get out of debt. It's amazing to see where my husband and I were a year ago compared to today. 

A year ago we had a nice sized apartment, comfortably living off one income, always eating out at nice restaurants, and had two cars. Now, we're living at my grandparents house with my grandparents along with my mom and brother, converted their living room into a bedroom/small living space, tightly living on one income, neither of us have a car and are expecting our first child this April. We've gone through so many things in the last year and half of marriage. Despite it all, I'd much rather be where we are today than a year ago. Daniel and I were completely lost. Our priorities weren't right, God was no where even near the center of our marriage and when things came against us, we didn't know how to lean on each other. Rather we attacked each other and pointed fingers. Being put in our current situation has given us the opportunity to really humble ourselves. We don't take for granted what we have and it's really helped us to lean on each other and work together. Daily we read our Bibles together and do our devotionals. 

We might not be able to give our son the nicest things like we might once have, but this child is going to grow up in a house where he sees love and commitment. Where God is at the center and we strive to live a life bringing honor to His name.