Saturday, June 6, 2015


So I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time. I write this in hopes that this might encourage someone else and also as something that I will be able to look back on in times of need. 

I'm going to pour out struggles that I have gone through and feeling along the way. Forgiveness is something that is really hard for me. And I mean really hard. I'm not talking "I asked for no onions and they put onions" type of forgiveness. I'm talking "You've hurt me on a personal level and I don't know if our relationship could ever heal from it". I can count on one hand the people who have hurt me on a personal level. I'm not going to go into too much detail because the relationships that I'm referring to is between them and my immediate family. I don't think it would be right of me to state what has been done.
I read this article and it really helped me to mend things in my own heart. For so long I would dwell on the hurt and the anger that I had. It had been building for years. I know forgiving is the right thing to do. I'm a Christian, that's what I'm suppose to do. But it wasn't that simple. I would tell myself that I was owed an apology, I wasn't going to forgive because they don't even seem to care. I wasn't even in the wrong, why should I forgive them? I was an ugly person on the inside, the feelings I would think were ugly. I hated that I would think ugly thoughts. John 10:10 says The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. I wanted that abundant life. I wanted to forgive but I felt I couldn't let go. I would forgive over and over morning after morning but I never felt peace within.. I would tell myself that I was letting go. Many occasions I would say to myself Okay God, I'm letting go, please take this from me, but I would still dwell on it.  I wasn't fully giving it to God.
 It wasn't until I truly let go that I began to heal. I would still repeat it to myself but every time I would start to think about the hurt I would shut it down and pray and thank God that he's healed my heart. It took a lot of faith that I was healed from the unforgiveness before I really began to feel it. I just want anyone out there that is carrying that burned of unforgiveness to know that for your spirit and your well-being, it is so worth it. The hurt might not go away but it becomes manageable and not consuming. I don't know if our relationship will ever heal or be mended but I do know that God does not want me to go back to that place of letting negativity changed the person who He has called me to be. Whenever I begin to think about the hurt that has been inflicted on my family I always go back to this verse from Philippians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 
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1 comment:

  1. Letting it go is the best therapy you could do for yourself! Takes a lot to do it so well done!

    Megan ||