Preschool and no judgement

Judah is going to preschool.*cue anxiety* We were lucky enough to find a great Christian preschool only blocks away from where we live. I'm sure he will love it there, he loves being around kids. I on the other hand will probably not pay attention in school all day because Judah will be on my mind. Even though he's only going part time, I still worry about everything. We co-sleep, how will he do during nap time?. We practice sign language, what if they don't know he's asking for more food? My momma bear instinct tell me to stay at home with him and not go to school. I know in the long run we are both benefiting from me going to school full-time, it just doesn't always seem that way. Another reason I am nervous to let him go is because I fear being judged. I don't want others to see me putting him in Preschool a bad thing. There are so many moms that would love to be able to stay at home with their kids, and I have been blessed enough to do so. There has been so many things as a mother I thought I would never do. Not bad things, just things I never planned. I hate to admit that before I became a mom, it was easy for me to judge parents. The mom that gave her child McDonalds for dinner. The little boy still drinking out of a bottle at three. The parents that had their kids with them out for dinner way past their bedtime. It was easy to cast judgement on situations I knew nothing about. As a mom I now know that things don't always go as planned. I feel compassion for the mom who has to work all day and needs a break from cooking dinner. I understand that taking away a kids bottle isn't as easy for every kid. I've dealt with the middle of the Target aisle breakdowns and the fast food for lunch meals. Yesterday I had to bribe Judah with M&Ms to make it through his haircut. Motherhood has taught me to be more compassionate, show mercy, and understand that I don't always understand the situations of others.

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Mathew 7:1-2

Motherhood lately

I see so many blog posts on here with happy, joyful, loving kids, and I love it. I know the feeling of seeing your child so happy and so innocent, I wish that Judah could be like that all the time. Unfortunately it hasn't been all smiles, actually, it has been very few smiles lately. He has started hitting and scratching in a non-playful way. Both of which I have no idea where he learned from because Daniel nor I believe in physical punishment of any kind. He has a temper and is distant. Aside from his temper, he is cutting 3 teeth right now and had his 1 year appointment today which involved 3 shots. Not to mention we recently took him off of the bottle. I have to remind myself everyday that he is just as frustrated with me as I am with him. I don't love him any less or wish he were different. I understand that he has to work through his emotions and let him know that I am here for him. I have to constantly ask God for patience and be wise in my decisions. I miss my happy, cuddly little boy, I hope that he becomes happier soon.

By the way, Judah needs a toy organizer soon, look at that pile of toys! And here is a picture of him a few weeks ago that I hope he begins to look like again.

Motherhood

Motherhood comes with all sorts of emotions and concerns that no one could  prepare you for. This past week Judah had to go for his 2 month check-up which included 3 shots. I knew it was coming and I prepared myself for it, but I still had a little anxiety attack in the parking lot. 

I really love structure. It's kind of a love/hate relationship with it. Structure makes me feel like I'm in control of what's happening around me; not much structure is associated with infants. I read books, magazines, forums, blogs, etc. on what a baby should be doing, when they should be doing it, how they should be doing it, blah blah blah.  So many things have not gone according to plan and he's only been here 10 weeks! I planned on exclusively breast-feeding. No bottle, no formula, just me. Well you know what? My baby wasn't latching correctly, cracked both my nipples, I had to resort to pumping, got a double breast infection, had to give him formula because I lost most of my milk supply and now we're nursing and supplementing with formula. How's that for honesty? I also said that I'd never give my children a pacifier, that I wanted them to get comfort from me, not an object. The thing is, Judah loves sucking! So I had to ask myself, do I keep the pacifier away from him because of my own reasoning, or do I give him something that I know he'll really enjoy? I picked the latter! These books that are suppose to be helpful are just more stress. Parenting is not a one-size fits all thing! Every child is different. So I'm throwing these books out and I'm going to rely on God as my main guidance. We'll work at our own pace and with God at our core. We'll do what fits our lifestyle best and take it one day at a time. My son is healthy and happy, so we must be doing something right!