The weekend and thoughts on being a momma

Besides the open house at the police station yesterday, this weekend we stood home. Tomorrow starts finals for me in school (If I never see logarithms or imaginary numbers again I think I'll survive). Needless to say I crammed in a lot of studying. I really love spending time outside in the backyard with my boys. Daniel grilled dinner and Judah danced in the water. I was trying to read the book  The Power of a Positive Mom by Karol Ladd. Emphasis on trying. Judah decided he wanted to play two feet next to the grill which just about gave me heart attack all evening. 
I just started reading the book but it has already spoken to me. It talks about how as moms we begin the day with good intentions to be positive and loving but meltdowns and other things get in the way of being the mom we all strive to be. I struggle with the feeling of not being the mom Judah needs me to be. I think it natural to second guess your parenting but I want to be able to not sit and reflect at the end of the day thinking about the times that I lost my patience or could have handled a situation differently. I read something on Instagram today that said "Be the mom you want them to remember". I was blessed enough to grow up with a positive example of a mom but I know people, close to me who've grown up with less role model moms. I see the damage that it can do and I never would want to be the cause of my child's' poor decisions. Being a mom is serious business. I constantly have to remember that as long as God is leading my parenting, and not myself, I can do this.

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” – Isaiah 41:13